Smell the roses

Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "Have you ever been in an airplane and experienced turbulence? The most common cause of turbulence is a sudden change in air movement causing the aircraft to pitch, yaw, and roll. While planes are built to withstand far greater turbulence than anything you would encounter on a regular flight, it still may be disconcerting to passengers.

What do you suppose pilots do when they encounter turbulence? A student pilot may think that increasing speed is a good strategy because it will get them through the turbulence faster. But that may be the wrong thing to do. Professional pilots understand that there is an optimum turbulence penetration speed that will minimize the negative effects of turbulence. And most of the time that would mean to reduce your speed. The same principle applies also to speed bumps on a road.

Therefore, it is good advice to slow down a little, steady the course, and focus on the essentials when experiencing adverse conditions."1

Slow down.

Wouldn't we all like to do just that? Unfortunately, not all of us have as much time as we'd like. Sean Covey, who wrote The 7 habits of Highly Effictive Teens and The 6 Most Important Decisions you'll ever Make, asked the question, what if there was 25 hours in a day instead of 24? What would you do with your extra hour?

"My dear brothers and sisters, we would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most. Let us be mindful of the foundational precepts our Heavenly Father has given to His children that will establish the basis of a rich and fruitful mortal life with promises of eternal happiness. They will teach us to do “all these things … in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that [we] should run faster than [we have] strength. [But] it is expedient that [we] should be diligent, [and] thereby … win the prize.”1

"Mile by mile, life's a trial. Yard by yard, life is hard. Inch by inch, life's a cinch." Or something along those lines. Just take baby steps. The tortoise won the race by being slow and steady not rushing through.
Life isn't a tortoise and hare race. Life isn't a race because everyone's path is going to be different. Everyone is going to experience something different. Everyone is unique, and that's okay.
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1 https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/of-things-that-matter-most?lang=eng

link to "moments that matter most" a great little video on noticing the small moments in life:
http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?v=1101413031001

Be proud of the person in the mirror

"I was in the ninth grade. A year in which it seemed I was halfway to nowhere. Confidence was not part of my nature. My actions were largely controlled by my feelings of inferiority. Perhaps it was the low light of self-doubt that made the following experience such a bright and guiding star.

Third hour I sat near the back of the classroom. My feet extended as far forward as I could stretch them. By sitting in this manner I was scarcely visible from where the teacher sat at her desk in the front.

"Friday was the day for current events. When the roll was called, each student had two choices—he could either answer “Prepared” or “Unprepared.” If his response was “Prepared,” he had to give a talk. If his response was “Unprepared,” he didn’t have to do anything. I quickly grasped the idea that the word unprepared was the word that would get me off the hook.

"As the weeks went by, each time my name was called I responded almost with dignity, “Unprepared.” My friends also mastered this word. We all, as a group, made it easier for each of us as individuals.

"Once as I was visiting with the teacher, I noticed my name in the performance roll book, and behind my name was a long series of negative signs. This worried me but not enough to make me stand up in front of my friends and give a talk. Speaking to a group seemed like the most frightening of all things.

"A girl that I liked very much sat in front of me. I liked her so much that on the way to school I would think of clever things to say to her, but when in her presence, my mind would go blank and I would become almost tongue-tied.

"One day when the teacher called the roll and got to my name, I replied, “Unprepared.” It was then that this girl did me a great favor. She turned around, looked back at me, and said, “Why don’t you get prepared?” I was not able to listen to any of the reports that day. I kept thinking of all sorts of wonderful things like, “What does she care, unless she cares.”

"I went home, found an article in the newspaper, and read it time and again until I had finally committed it to memory. I cut the article out, folded it, placed it in my wallet, and carried it with me all week.

"The next Friday I was there in my usual seat in the back. The teacher started to call the roll without looking up. Finally she got to my name; she said, “George.” And very quietly I gave a great speech—I said, “Prepared.” She stopped calling the roll and looked up at me. I poked my head up as far as I could and nodded. The girl turned around and smiled. My friends looked over at me like, “Traitor.” Then I sat waiting my turn, saying to myself, “What have I done?” I was scared. Then I made a magnificent discovery. It was all right to be afraid if I didn’t let it stop me from doing what I should.

"My turn came. I went to the front and started to speak. I remembered every word, and after the last word had crossed my lips, I stood there for just a second, and a priceless thought passed my mind and found its way to my heart. I said to myself, “I like you.”

"I returned to my seat and sat down. I didn’t hear any of the reports, but as my heart pounded within me, I kept feeling over and over again, “This is the only way to live.”

"I have since learned that the word unprepared really does take you off the hook and lead you away from pressure. By learning to say that word you really don’t have to do anything, but you never know the joy of doing something that causes you to say to yourself, “I like myself.”"1

I know this story was kind long but it's a great example of confidence, self-worth and reaching our potential.

Focus on the last three words of the story. "I like myself." Can you say that with confidence and joy? 

There's always going to be little things about ourselves that annoy us; 'my nose is too big,' or 'my hair is uncontrollable', etc. What's important is to love ourselves, just as we are. Everyone is unique and has their own strengths and weaknesses. So, be thankful for your strengths and work on your weaknesses; just don't focus on your weaknesses. We live in a world where everyone needs the kind of encouragement and help to be proud of themselves and smile.

"Discover who you are. Remember where you're from." I saw this on a poster for Bklyn (Brooklyn) the musical once. On the same day I saw this on a poster for Spamalot, "Find your grail!"
I really like both of those. 'Discover who you are.' Isn't that wonderful? Find out who you are; once you know who you are and what you need to do here on earth, your chance of success becomes higher. Now, I don't think that's what the poster was advertising for, it works. Really quick, there's a poem called The Leadership Search by Orrin Woodward. Part of the poem goes like this:

I searched for him half my life,

named with uncommon sound.

I looked for him around the world,

but this person refused to be found.

Thankfully I discovered him.

The good news is you can too.

However it won't be easy,

as he reveals himself to just a few.2

This is only some of the poem; the rest relates more to leadership which is another topic. But what I'm trying to point out is, finding ourselves is not always easy. Chris Brady said, "Truth is like sandpaper; it has to scratch a little in order to provide a good finish." Now, I'm going to tweak this quote just a bit. For now it's going to say this: "Finding yourself is like sandpaper; it has to scratch a little in order to provide a good finish."


I think that another thing that can stop us from being and truly loving ourselves for who we are is when we think, "But what will they think if I do that?" and "She won't like me if I do that" or "He'll think I'm so nerdy if I even think about that." Don't worry about what others think of you. Be proud of who you are.  Besides everyone thinks that way at one point or another. When that happens to me I try to push it aside and I'm weird and nerdy anyway, so who cares?

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God."3

1 https://www.lds.org/new-era/1972/10/halfway-to-nowhere?lang=eng&query=selfworth

2 Edge, pg 136
3 Doctrine and Covenants 18:10

List of films/books that I've found inspiring - because we all need them

Here is just a short list of some movies and books I've watched/read that have been really inspirational to me.
(These are not listed by which ones I like the most.)

The Book of Mormon - tells of the very, very early American settlers and their struggles and blessings.
The Bible - lists the Ten Commandments and lots of great parables, among other things.
The Lost Medallion - a great movies about the worth of souls, trusting in ourselves and others and pride.
Courageous - very touching movie about family, love, how to deal with family death and some consequences of fatherless children. (There's also a book, I think it's based on the movie. Both of them made me cry, which was the first time that's happened.)
Edge by Chris Brady and Orrin Woodward - a book on success and how to achieve it.
The 7 Highly Effective Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey - a really good book; teaches you seven habits that will help you throughout life.
The 6 Most Important Decisions You'll Ever Make in your Life by Sean Covey - advice on how to confront and answer those decisions.
The Freedom Factor by Gerald N. Lund - Q: what would life be like without the Constitutions? A: scary
It's a Wonderful Life - the classic movie of George Bailey and his search for the meaning of life
Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life by Wendy Mass - a story of a young man searching for the meaning of life (there's also a movie, but the book's much better)
Chariots of Fire - the stories of Eric Liddle and Harold Abrahams
The Inn of the Sixth Happiness - the amazing story of Gladys Aylward, based on the book The Small Woman by Gladys Aylward and Alan Burgess.

Bullying

Bullying is becoming a very much addressed issue in today's world. I've noticed that as I've seen more videos and stories on not bullying and stopping bullying cropping up.
Bullying really is a big thing. Bullying hurts others. Sometimes bullying is as simple as playfully saying something mean or rude to or about someone. In other words, teasing. Things that we might think are harmless, are the complete opposite to others.
Gossiping is also a form of bullying. When we gossip, we spread rumors and sometimes even lies about others. We do it for revenge, hate or without really realizing the impact it will have on the person.
Gossip is like tar; it's dirty and it spreads. A Mormonad (Mormon Ad) poster illustrates this point better then I can:

Bullying truly hurts and diminishes others. It not only pulls them down, it pulls you down too.
In Sean Covey's book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, Mr. Covey talks about our personal banks. When we talk about people in a way that's uplifting and kind, we add to their account. When we say things that degrade them, we take from their account.
Sometimes a bully just needs a friends. Sometimes not. Either way, bullies are more then what we see. And that's what everyone says, but they say that because it's true. One of my friends once said that we hear things over and over again because it's so important and we need to apply it.


Here is an excellent video on the problem and effects of bullying:
https://www.lds.org/youth/video/bullying-stop-it?lang=eng

Our Anchor - Part Four - [you fill in this spot]

I put this part in because sometimes, as they say, "one man's trash is another man's treasure."
So, fill in the blank; what's really important to you? And I don't mean things like an Xbox, Wii or Smartphone; I mean things that are special. Things that can help ground you in a quickly changing world.
For example, maybe playing the piano is a big thing to you and it's really important. That could be part of your anchor.
Sometimes for me, I like just doing something by myself because it gives me time to think. And during that down time, I might be listening to an audio book or doodling or something. But doing something like that helps me to slow down even if I'm really stressed and busy.

I guess what I'm really getting at is, what helps you slow down and relax a little?
We need to have a time for ourselves. It doesn't really need to be a regular time but taking some time for you is important. Sometimes, when I'm backed up on homework and life, I find myself doing something creative or something that's not really important. And I realize, "Hey, I could be doing something that I need to do." But sometimes I'm glad I took that time for myself because during that time, I forgot about my other stuff and I just focused on me. It gave me time to wind down and relax.
Now, I can't do that all the time and that doesn't mean that you should forget what you need to do but it does feel good to take time off.
Do you have a favorite book, movie or song? A favorite game or hobby? That could be part of it (your anchor). In fact, I'm not limiting how many things might make up this part of your anchor. But remember, I would encourage you to think about things that are important to you. Think about it. Look past your iPod and Tablet; what is something that is truly important to you? Something that refreshes you, maybe makes you think about something in a different way. Maybe touches you in a special way.
For example, an anchor for me might be the book Courageous. It covers a whole variety of topics like the loss of a family member and gangs. It was a very touching and highly inspirational book. (There's also a movie; I think the book is based off the book. Not something that happens all the time!)
So, think about it and find out what helps keep you anchored.

Our Anchor - Part Three - Friends/Peers/Mentors

Friends are a huge part of life. Good, trustworthy, honest friends; that's what we need more of.
Faithful friends are the ones who stand by you in the roughest times and in the smoothest times. They respect you and honor your views and opinions. As Elbert Hubbard said, “A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”
Friends are people you connect with, people who understand you, people who feel with you.
Friends are like family.
Like family, friends stick together.
Like family, friends fight (although unlike family, friends don't fight as much).
Friends are one of the greatest gifts we have.
Friends are all around us, we just have to go up and say hello.


Peers are people who are of the same age, status and/or ability as another. Peers are pretty much friends.


Mentors are people who encourage, push and prompt us. Chris Brady said, "Great coaches are necessary to help you think through whether you should think what you think you should think."1
And Orrin Woodward said that, "A person is blind to his own faults, making mentors and confidants crucial to success."2



1 Chris Brady and Orrin Woodward Edge, p 126

2 Chris Brady and Orrin Woodward Edge, p 128

Our Anchor - Part Two - Family

Family is part two of our anchor. I know that may sound crazy, since we live in a world where families are getting shoved aside, but your family is always there for you even when you don't think so. Everyone has arguments and disagreements but deep down families are close-knit kin. Really think about it; your family was there at the beginning and will be there till the end. And even if they're not here here, as in they've passed on, that doesn't mean that they're not in your heart. Yes, that's what everyone says but it's true. Remember the good times and the bad times and all the time in between.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf said that one "key relationship is with our families. Since “no other success can compensate for failure” here, we must place high priority on our families. We build deep and loving family relationships by doing simple things together, like family dinner and family home evening and by just having fun together. In family relationships love is really spelled t-i-m-e, time. Taking time for each other is the key for harmony at home. We talk with, rather than about, each other. We learn from each other, and we appreciate our differences as well as our commonalities. We establish a divine bond with each other as we approach God together through family prayer, gospel study, and Sunday worship."1
It also seems like we spend a lot of time with family. Vacations, family nights, etc.
Studies have shown that when we participate in family dinner it helps children become academically boosted and have positive family interactions.2 (Please note that this does not mean it applies to everyone.) With that in hand, I challenge you, if you don't do this already, to have at least one meal a week with your family. Something else to try is, even when one person is done ask them to stay and talk with everyone else. Another suggestion would be to try Bedtime Math. What happens with that is you get an email every day with math questions for younger to older kids. I don't particularly like math but Bedtime Math is pretty entertaining. (Although, be warned, some of the questions are not that well thought out and the Big Kid Bonus ones can be kind of complected.)
Family time is essential and means more, especially to children, then you could imagine.


1 Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Of Things that Matter Most
2  http://www.human.cornell.edu/pam/outreach/upload/Family-Mealtimes-2.pdf

Our Anchor - Part One - Beliefs/Religion/Standards/Scriptures/etc

Imagine that you're a ship. It doesn't matter what kind of ship it is, it could be a cruise ship, a cargo ship or even just a plain rowboat.
Now, imagine that the world is your water. And challenges in life are the waves, wind and storms. What's one of the things that can help you from being pulled and pushed, battered and beaten?
An anchor, especially when you're in the harbor. But you're not always in the safety of a harbor. Sooner or later you're going to get pushed out to sea. In fact, you're probably battling the storm right now. The storm is trials, temptation and, just like the water, life.
Some people are trying to just stay afloat and that's fine. Some people may be upright and somewhat stable; now they just need to move forward. It doesn't have to be fast. Some one once said, "Mile by mile, life's a trial. Yard by yard, life is hard. Inch by inch, life's a cinch." Or something along those lines.
Anyway, one thing that can help us is our anchor.
I was thinking about this concept the other day and I think that we all have parts to our anchors. I came up with four sections, although there could be more.
1) Beliefs/Religion/Standards/Scriptures/etc.
2) Family
3) Friends/Peers/Mentors
4) [you fill in this spot]

The first part is made up of our beliefs, religion, standards, etc. We're basically looking at the things that spiritually hold us down.
For one it may be an inspiring scripture or song. For others it may be a youth program.
Maybe it's a belief you have. It could be a lot of things. I would say more, but this is one of the more personal parts of your anchor and I really don't know what else to say.
All I can say is,you have to find out what helps to hold you down. Not me, not anyone but you.

Don't do it

Don't even start. I know it's not that easy, but we can't give into addictions. Whither it be physically, mentally, virtually or even spiritually. Once you start, it's hard to stop. It's like eating at a buffet; you know you shouldn't but you just have to have more. You can stop, but it won't always be easy. I believe that there are at least 3 steps to stopping an addiction. There are probably more, but this just the simplified version.
1) You have to want to change
2) Getting help
3) Doing something about it

So, you need to want to change. You can't really change without having the desire to. If you do it halfheartedly, it will not work. It goes along with what Santosh Kalwar said in his book Quote Me Everyday, "We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking.” This statement is so true and so important to remember. Let me repeat what I've already said, you have to desire to change. It's the first and one of the most important steps.

Getting help. That can be easier said then done. When I say, get help, I mean that we need support. When we want to drop an addiction it's very important that we have supportive friends and family who'll help us. It's like this, you're at the mall with some friends. All of you have money, but you don't want to spend a lot since you'll need it later. Your friends decide to spurge and of course, you really want to as well. They say things like, "Come on, it's okay," and "really, you don't have to spend every penny." Now, say you're with another group of friends at the mall. Like before, you all have money but you'd rather save; right now you're just browsing. Which group of friends are you must likely to save money with? The first group or the second? Most likely the second one. In a way, it's like peer pressure. Now, it is possible to resist spending money with the first group but it would be extremely hard. This is the reason we need supportive friends and peers.

You've got to take action next. I mean, you can't just stand back and hope that you're going to be addiction free. That's just not how it works.

I think that there are no good addictions. Now, don't get me wrong there are good things to want to do; for example: reading good books, doing school work, hanging out with friends and playing sports. Here's the thing, if you're focusing too much time reading, playing a sport, beating a high level on the computer or updating your life on Facebook then it's an addiction. Especially if doing that thing is getting in the way of others or more important activities.There are some things that seem a little in between like service, but I still stay by what I said. Let me explain; if you're doing service, that's great. If you're doing it so much that you're not getting anything else done, then you need to change some stuff around. There's a really fine balance between liking to do something a lot and obsessiveness. And I think that each of us has our own point where we cross the line. For example, some of us may be able to check Facebook all the time and still get stuff done while some don't.That may not be the best example but hopefully you get.

Addictions aren't things we should take lightly; some addictions, like smoking and drinking, end up being harmful. In C.S. Lewis's book The Great Divorce, a man from hell visits heaven where he sees many bright and godly angels. This man is never alone; a red lizard sits atop his shoulder. Sometimes he fights with it saying he'll get rid of it but never does and he does whatever the creature tells him. As the man is leaving heaven an angel approaches him and offers to get rid of the lizard. At first the man makes all sorts of excuses but in the end he agrees. The angel takes the lizard and throws it to the ground, killing it. The man then transforms into a heavenly being and the lizard turns into a beautiful white horse. The man mounts his new stead and rides off.
The lizard was the man's addictions and temptations.
Sometimes, like the man, do we find ourselves wanting to get rid of our addictions but thinking, "no, I can't live without smoking" or "I can't live without a beer" or even "one more minute, I just have to post something on Facebook"? Getting rid of addiction is hard, but it is also worth it. Once we get rid of it, we can become free.
When the lizard turned into the white stead, it represented that the man could now bridle, or control, his addictions.

Everyone has some sort of addiction, big or small. Everyone can fight their addiction. Sometimes we may need help and that is perfectly okay, there are people out there who've had the same problems you have and a lot of them are willing to help. Especially with drugs and smoking. Once you get rid of addiction you'll find new found freedom; you'll be able to gallop off on your white stead a changed person.